Are you one of 25% of Americans who cannot tell celebrities apart? Do you fail to recall the name of the person who acted in that movie or show, only to say the wrong name to the mockery of of your peers? Well, I am here to tell you: you are not alone.
Celebrity Confusion Condition, CCC, is real and highly contagious. Known in scientific circles as Hester’s Disease, the brain abnormality as was named for patient zero, let’s call him "Geoff" to protect the innocent, was one day trying to recall the name of the celebrity lead in The Bourne Identity. His response: Matt Damon Wayans.
His friends laughed. Poor Geoff played along, but little did the group know, they too were now infected. Over the years, the brain disease spread outward. Each time a person was unable to think of someone in a famous movie or show, and failed, or confused them with someone else, the disease grew.
Research shows all you have to do is be within earshot of someone afflicted with CCC to be infected, as the disease actually travels along the sound waves and takes root in the ear canal. Once CCC is in, it is only a matter of time before you can no longer tell celebrities apart.
Now, skeptics will say that CCC is a hoax. That not being able to tell celebrities apart is a good thing. Or, that as we get older, our ability to recall the banality of who the fuck starred in what is no longer important, left instead for the young and vapid.
Those skeptics are fortunately all dead now. Or, they are doing “important” things like STEM field research, charity work or other such hokum. Like they don’t have Netflix and listen to modern pop music.
Listen, there is no shame in not realizing that the same guy who played Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket was the same bug guy in Men In Black and Kingpin in Daredevil.
Below is a test. Can you tell these celebrities apart?
Which one is America Ferrera and which one is Jordan Sparks?
Which one is Javier Bardem and which is Jeffery Dean Morgan?
Which one is Zooey Deschanel and which one is Katey Perry?
Which one is Will Ferrel and which one is Chad...what'shisnuts the drummer the Chilli Peppers
Which one is Hailey Bennet (the wide from Hardcore Henry) and which one is Jennifer Lawrence?
Lastly, which one of these British ladies is Daisy Ridley from Star Wars, Lena Headey from Gme of Thrones and Kiera Knightly?
So, how did you score? Well, here's a hint, if you played, and you're over 33...you failed. Go read a book, stop pretending you're young and make a difference in your life!!!! :)
But Hester's Disease, is real! You know who you are..."Geoff"!